I guess there comes a time when we really need to let go of the past……..
I guess today was my day…………………….
Things that no longer meant anything, I deleted, the pictures that brought tears to my eyes, I deleted, the friends that weren’t really friends, I deleted, the messages that no longer meant anything in my phone, I deleted, the emails, I deleted, the pages and pages of conversations from msn, I deleted…….
I guess there comes a time when we have to move on, for good…..
I always have the memories, the good ones and the bad ones. I just wish there had been more good than bad.
I downloaded a few songs, and well basically; lay on my bed and cried.
It’s time to move on, from tomorro; a new me. I’m doing what I want, when I want. I’m seeing who I want, when I want. It is my life and I’m going to cherish it. My friend was taken from me, my grandfather taken from me – their lives cut short. No one is going to determine my future or my life, no my mother, my father or anyone. It’s my life and from now on – I’m putting me first.
My mother sat with me today and told me; no one can decide which choices you make in life, no one can tell you what to do, no one can demand you do something. You are your own person and it is your life. Don’t make the mistake I made with your father, let go, before it is too late……..so I’m doing just that. I’m letting go of the past so that I can start to live the present. I feel sad, very sad, so sad that I may even get some anti-depressants to help me, but, my mother is right. There is a time when we need to just let go of everything that prevents us from real happiness….
Live life to the full.
So, I downloaded a few songs…….
Sarah Bennett – All of this past
Matchbox 20 – 3am
Coldplay – The Scientist
Breathe – Hands to Heaven
Boyz II Men – It’s so hard to say goodbye
Bonnie Raitt – I can’t make you love me
Five For Fighting – World
Sarah Maclachlan – Good Enough
Ladies……download and enjoy đ
Have your tissues at the ready – you’ll need them!
I have now just put on my sexiest dress that I own and I’m heading out clubbing! A first for me, haven’t done it in years, but I’m going out with a whole group of young girls and I’m going to have the night of my life!
Jesus, pray for me! I’m not right in the head, they are a crazy bunch! They’ve got me a man already – don’t know if I need those complications! But, casual sex is sometimes just what everyone needs!
I’m truly sick of hearing women say, ‘it is important for me to find a husband with a good earning power who will be able to provide financial security but I don’t want to be seen as a golddigger’.
The topic of marriage and money is an ancient and highly nuanced one.
Well, you know what – I think it is absolutely ludacris……… marrying someone just because they are financially stable does not make them a ‘perfect’ partner. It will not make them a ‘perfect’ husband or ‘father’.
Money should not be ‘paramount’ in ANY relationship. It truly disgusts me, I would rather marry a poor man with no shoes on his feet if he truly loved me before marrying someone that throws ‘dollar bills’ at me, to show his love.
How can woman even question this? And furthermore, to say, ‘I don’t want to be seen as a golddigger’ – well, you are! And every sane person on this earth would agree with me……
I can see that you might think, but, it will make my family financially secure, my children will have everything they want, I will have everything I want – but will you have a loving husband who you love unconditionally and who loves you unconditionally?
When you look at him and kiss him? Is it the dollar bills that you see in his eyes or is it the thought of the first time he gave you that single rose on your first date? Or is it the first time that he made love to you and told you you meant everything and nothing else mattered?
Just a thought ladies; live the life you dreamed of as a little girl, that is when you were truly innocent. You may have dreamed to be a princess- find the right man and he will treat you like one.
Well, I just want to say; thank you for all your KIND and HONEST comments. I appreciate all comments even those of you that disagree with some of my thoughts..I enjoy reading different views…
I started this blog, well, basically because of the mess my life was in, I’m glad I have somewhere to pour out my thoughts, I never thought anyone would actually read what I wrote! lol.. but anyway…….
So, I switched on my local news today to find that, three boys all in the same class, all at the same school had committed suicide. No one knows why.
My problem is this; just last week another child at a similar school nearby also committed suicide due to the level of stress caused by exams.
Every one has stress in their lives. Stress can help people make the most of opportunities and what they do, or it can cause health problems.
Some children sail through exams with very little stress. In fact, some parents wish their children would get more stressed about exams! For others even small tests cause real anxiety.
For me, exams caused stress, I never slept and not because I was studying but because I literally could not sleep. The fear of an examination really scared me, I was petrified and almost always buckled under the pressure and failed.
At 16, I left school and went to a local college and took up a BTEC National Diploma equivalent to three a-levels. The reason I took this course was because examinations were not a part of the course. I breezed through the course because it was all coursework and I got the equivalent of 3 A’s at A-level, however I know this would not have been the case had I done A-Levels.
So, is this stress really necessary for children?
Passing exams is seen to be a passport to a successful career, for a small minority, the pressure of trying to succeed can have serious and sometimes fatal consequences.
Figures from the governmentâs drug watchdog in the UK, MHRA, show that in 1995 46,000 anti-depressant prescriptions were given to teenagers between 16 and 18 in full-time education. By last year this had risen to 190,000. There has also been a rise of almost 50 percent in the prescription of so-called âhappy drugsâ such as Prozac and Seroxat to under 16s. This has risen from 76,000 in 1996 to over 500,000. This figure could be higher because prescriptions from private doctors and those given to hospital patients are not included.
So, where does this end? When are the government going to realise what exams are doing to the younger generation of our society…..
Since returning to Ireland, I have spent a lot of time at my grandfather’s grave. I’ve had a horrible year so far and I remembered how much I felt safe and comfortable at the graveyard. I’ve been spening about an hour a day up there, sitting by my grandfather’s grave, reading my book…
This morning, it was a strange experience but a good one…
I was writing in my diary and I got a bit emotional, my body went cold then warm and I felt a light pressure on my shoulder and then all of a sudden I felt completely relaxed and that a weight had been lifted from my shoulders..
I know that there was an angel on my shoulder….
“We can all be angels to one another. We can choose to obey the
still small stirring within, the little whisper that says,
Go. Ask. Reach out. Be an answer to someone’s plea.
You have a part to play. Have faith.’
We can decide to risk that He is indeed there, watching, caring, cherishing
us as we love and accept love. The world will be a better place for it.
And wherever they are, the angels will dance.”
-Joan Wester Anderson
“We are like children, who stand in need of masters to enlighten us
and direct us; and God has provided for this,
by appointing his angels to be our teachers and guides.”
-Saint Thomas Aquinas
“We shall find peace. We shall hear angels,
we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds.”
-Chekov
“Make yourself familiar with the angels, and behold them
frequently in spirit; for without being seen, they are present with you.
-Saint Francis de Sales
“To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic.”
-Alphonse de Lamartine
“For God comments the angels to guard you in all your ways”
.-Pslams, 91:11
“The guardian angels of life sometimes fly so high as to be beyond
our sight, but they are always looking down upon us.”
-Jean Paul Richter
“Angel of God, my guardian dear
To whom God’s love commits me here;
Ever this day be at my side,
To light and guard, to rule and guide.”
-Traditional Catholic Prayer
“When hearts listen, angels sing.”
-Unknown
“Let us be silent that we may hear the whisper of God.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
So, what happens then when you lose the spark? What happens when you don’t click? What happens when you realise he isn’t ‘the one’?
I came across this little poem..
Every girl has that one guy that they’ll never get over
That one who makes you laugh…
The one who gives u butterflies, when someone says his name…
The one who remembers all the little stupid things you say….. and reminds you about it months from now…
The one who has his name written in your heart…
The one you compare every other guy to…
The one you never get sick of talking to or hearing about…
The one that you cry over and over about…
The one that you know you can never trust yourself with…
The one that no-one can understand: WHY HIM?…
The one that e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e thinks… you can do better…
The one u wish you didnt feel this way about…
The one that will never feel the same…
The one you thought you loved in an instant…
There will always be ‘the one’.
How can we be sure when we do meet that person that he or she is ‘the one’??
Say for instance, I’ve met someone now, I think I have fallen for him and he too has fallen for me? How can I be sure that he is the one? I know if I question it then he isn’t…… but is that just ‘wanting the fairytale’, is that me just ‘wanting perfection’. Are there ‘perfect’ relationships out there? What about that ‘one’ that you thought was ‘the one’ but turned out that he wasn’t?
I spent a ridiculous amount of money on the phone to my ex this morning…
We haven’t had the ‘how are you since we broke up’ chat…I woke up this morning and figured I would call him.
It went remarkably well and I realised for the first time that I am truly happy without him. I finally found that I can be myself. We had been together 5 years, started dating when we were quite young and it became almost routine. I am truly glad that I realised that we could be happier with other people.
The butterflies disappeared and what seemed like a relationship was honestly just a close friendship, the sex was good, the talks were fun, but deep down we had lost that ‘spark’….
I’m so glad that we can still be friends. Some say,’friendship will never work’, but I truly believe it will. We are both interested in other people and are fine with it, we both felt comfortable talking about our interests and what these other people made us feel like.
I truly advise anyone who has come out of a long – term relationship to make amends, that person is a part of who you are.
My ex and I may not be in a relationship but he will always be a part of my life. We were engaged to be married and yet, we broke off and can still be friends. I firmly believe that we are both really happy without each other. It sounds strange, I know, but 6 months later and I’m starting to find my way, starting to realise that I lost myself in the last 5 years and it is only now that I’m starting to find ‘me’ again.
Personally I find a trip to the gym more exhilarating. I just think far too much time and energy are wasted on sex. Can I possibly be alone in this? Or do other people think the same? Perhaps I just haven’t found my ‘perfect’ partner yet?!
I know that sex is a central part of human life. Biologically speaking, it is literally why we’re here, to make more of ourselves. And nature provided us with lots of incentive to do that, what with all those good feelings sex delivers, not the least of which is the sense of bond that sex helps us achieve with another person. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is a good thing, but it is seriously over-rated……… just my opinion!
Personally I’m one of these woman who find it impossible to orgasm during sex, it has happened once but I still don’t think it was anything extravagant!
So, I’m in Ireland until August then it’s back to the Middle East… but honestly, I’m fed up, bored, nothing to do and my mind is working overtime….
I need to get away…
I did price a few nights in Barcelona, cheap and affordable but it was a 4 star hotel with a suite – sound ridiculous, I know….but I’m feeling low enough, do I really wanna go sleep in a huge bed in Barcelona on my own without a guy? Do I want to spend nights walking about on my own feeling sorry for myself?
I want to get away, it has to be somewhere fun where there is lots to do, but please don’t suggest ‘Paris’ – the city of romance……..
I need somewhere where I can just go and be me, chillax and take it easy……..and not think about the last 6 months……
Suggestions welcome; please note, do not suggest somewhere half way across the globe! Bare in mind I’m in ireland! cheers!
So, seems kind of a fairytale but, after watch Princess Diares – I know, I’m in my 20’s watching teen movies but there was nothing else on television…..
The character in the movie; Mia is a princess, she wants more than anything that ‘perfect’ kiss…..she wants the kiss that makes her feel like she is floating, the kiss that makes her foot lift from the floor itself and almost ‘float’…
I realised I’ve never had that…. I want that kiss…. I want to look into the eyes of the person I love and at that moment I want him to kiss me so passionately that my foot ‘floats’…….
Out of a world of laughter
Suddenly I am sad. . .
Day and night it haunts me,
The kiss I never had.Â
I don’t think I’ve truly connected with any guy that I have been with, I want nothing more than the person I’m with to kiss me passionately the entire time we are making love and when we have our first kiss, I want my foot to ‘float’………….I’ll let you all know when it happens! It won’t be in the near future (I doubt!) but will keep you posted….
Anyone else want this?? Or just me?? Am I having a mid-life crisis? I’m still wondering :S
I opened the Daily Mail today to find this article..
How am I going to tell my two children I no longer love their father the way I should, and we are splitting up? My daughter, 18 and son, 17, are going to be very upset. No one else is involved; we have both been faithful. I have been aware of my feelings for the past two to three years and discussed them with my husband. He is also very upset, as he believed that being married meant sticking together. We have been married for 30 years but I just do not love him anymore. How do I tell my children?
I read this and was completely shocked, upset and yet, angry.
How should any human being love another? I wish I could answer ‘unconditionally’ but even parents can find unconditional love difficult. How much harder is it then for men and women who marry not knowing how each of them may change over the years?
I mean these two people, fell in love, exchanged vows and dreams, bent over the cot containing your sweet first born, then wondered what the baby boy would grow up to be. Somewhere along the way that love was lost. Or perhaps her love got lost?
How can two people fall out of love?
About three years ago I asked my father – why? Why did you leave my mother?
His reply, ‘I fell out of love’.
Now, more and more I realise that I’m not going to be making any hasty decisions anytime soon regarding relationships. This would be my worst nightmare. For a short time, I thought in the back of my mind that my ex and I would get back together, but I’m so glad that we didn’t. I realise that this probably would be me in 20years time.
I’m moving on and leaving all my baggage behind. When I return to the Middle East, I’ve got a new job to keep me occupied for the forthcoming months…partner or no partner, I don’t want one. I’ve had these feelings before. What has happened to this family in the above report is absolutely awful. I know myself, and I’m a stronger person without a guy, that would only complicate things. If the right person comes along – who knows? But also, who knows what would happen ten years down the line…………… is it possible to fall out of love?
Like most women, I have far too many clothes. Some were good at one time, but not many have lasted the distance.
In the last ten years, women’s clothing prices have fallen by a third, but the rise of the High Street bargain has meant that we are casually purchasing more and more without consideration-well I am anyway!!!
This afternoon, I went on a complete shopping spree! I cleared my bank account and spent hundreds of pounds on clothes! I have no need for them but I just couldn’t resist some of the items; others, I just bought because I thought hmm that looks good on me…
In the last 4 weeks I’ve lost approx 15kg, I’m at the stage though were it doesn’t seem to be shifting anymore, however I did get on the scales and I’ve lost 4lbs this week.. so it is shifting but doesn’t feel it… I’m down two dress sizes in two months. I’m feeling much happier with my body, I just need to start toning now..
I have so many clothes now that are too big for me.. i don’t know what to do with them. I am reluctant to take them to my local charity shop because to be honest, they will just sit there for months and months. I live in a small town in Ireland and they wouldn’t end up where I want them too.
I’m thinking of sending them elsewhere, I’ll have to think about it, I want them to go to someone that really needs them.
Perhaps, I should just go to the nearest city and hand them out to the homeless ?? hmm, good idea.. I like!
I had breakfast/lunch with an old boyfriend and well, it was interesting….
Regardless of me not seeing him in a year, it seems, well, or so he says; he still loves me…..
Now, my problem, I don’t love him and never did but I’m so lonely and this might actually be exactly what I need… someone to help me get through the next few months; I just want someone to hang out with, someone to talk to, watch movies with and go out with on a Saturday night instead of troopsing about with my friends and all their partners…
Well, the lunch/breakfast itself was strange, we talked alot, mostly about his life, how he has started medical school, how his father died last year (which I didn’t know anything about), how he himself feels lost without me in his life..hmmm.. I don’t know to be honest what he was thinking, we had a brief brief fling that consisted of a few days, it meant really nothing to me, we had been friends before but well there was never that ‘spark’……
We are heading out again tomorrow for dinner then to the movies – I shall let you know how it goes :S
Don’t know if I even want to go but hey, got to keep my chin up right!
So Father’s Day is this Sunday…………….Father’s Day started in the late 20th Century to complement Mother’s Day. It is supposed to be a day where we give gifts to our fathers and thank them for all that they have done…….well, truthfully……I don’t think my father has done much for me.
When I was just 18 months old, my father walked out on my mother, he left my mother for a woman half his age who was a colleague. As a young girl my father figure was my grandfather, and my grandfather made all the decisions regarding; what time I had to be home by? whether I was allowed to dye my hair or not and lots of other things.
Every father’s day, all my life, I present presented my grandfather with a father’s day card and a gift. It felt only right since he has  had raised me and he had been the only father figure I had ever known. (*crying-I just realised I wrote this all in present tense-my grandfather passed away in 2001…r.i.p nanda)
I saw my own father one or twice a week as a child but when I was 9, I found my mother crying in the bedroom and when I asked her what was wrong; her reply was. ‘your father got married’. She has read about my father’s wedding in the paper. As a child, I was always mature for my age, I realised that what he had done was wrong, he didn’t even tell me? What kind of man would not tell his own daughter that he was getting married? I reacted badly, broke down, sobbed for weeks and for two years refused to go and visit him.
When I finally did go and see him, I had so much anger inside me that I found it hard to talk to him.
Now, as an adult, our relationship is much stronger, but I still have that anger deep down inside, I don’t think it will ever go away, but as every father’s day comes around, I know I have to buy him something, and it is truly terrible that I don’t even know what to buy my own father – and that is because I do not know him.
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
Today, my grandmother’s aunt was burried. Her husband returned home to find her sitting upright in her chair, cup of tea on the side table, glasses on and one eye open, one eye closed – a massive heart attack, they said.
She was a truly wonderful woman. I remember as a little girl visiting her regularly and how she used to plait my hair and how her cups of tea were truly disgusting! How that when she gave me orange juice I used to go into the bathroom and pour it down the drain because it was just so strong! So yeah, I’m back to feeling low and miserable and my little head is working overtime… It is so much worse when you don’t have someone to talk to about how your feeling. I suppose this blog is getting more and more like an online journal than anything else, but it helps me so much. I find that for the first time in a long time, I can truly be; open and honest. I can say exactly what I’m feeling and no-one will judge me. I know that I should talk to my friends and family but sometimes it is just easier to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, like I’ve always done..
Why do we subject ourselves to hurt? Why do we suffer? Why are people taken from us? Why, why why? God I have so many whys!
I wish someone could give me an answer these questions.
âWatch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.â
There aren’t many religious terms that enter our lives in a non-religious manner every day. Your girlfriend may talk about being “sinful” when she treats herself to a fried chicken sandwich, or about “the devil” when walking by a chocolate shop.
“Karma- We use the word “karma” when, say, one leaves his fast-food tray on the table against the protests of his companions, only to fall on his derriere when he slips on the wet floor on his way out. The idea that “what goes around, comes around” is easy to grasp, and leaves an impression on many a witness to its occurrence.
How bout a lil chillaxin? 