I guess there comes a time when we really need to let go of the past……..
I guess today was my day…………………….
Things that no longer meant anything, I deleted, the pictures that brought tears to my eyes, I deleted, the friends that weren’t really friends, I deleted, the messages that no longer meant anything in my phone, I deleted, the emails, I deleted, the pages and pages of conversations from msn, I deleted…….
I guess there comes a time when we have to move on, for good…..
I always have the memories, the good ones and the bad ones. I just wish there had been more good than bad.
I downloaded a few songs, and well basically; lay on my bed and cried.
It’s time to move on, from tomorro; a new me. I’m doing what I want, when I want. I’m seeing who I want, when I want. It is my life and I’m going to cherish it. My friend was taken from me, my grandfather taken from me – their lives cut short. No one is going to determine my future or my life, no my mother, my father or anyone. It’s my life and from now on – I’m putting me first.
My mother sat with me today and told me; no one can decide which choices you make in life, no one can tell you what to do, no one can demand you do something. You are your own person and it is your life. Don’t make the mistake I made with your father, let go, before it is too late……..so I’m doing just that. I’m letting go of the past so that I can start to live the present. I feel sad, very sad, so sad that I may even get some anti-depressants to help me, but, my mother is right. There is a time when we need to just let go of everything that prevents us from real happiness….
Live life to the full.
So, I downloaded a few songs…….
Sarah Bennett – All of this past
Matchbox 20 – 3am
Coldplay – The Scientist
Breathe – Hands to Heaven
Boyz II Men – It’s so hard to say goodbye
Bonnie Raitt – I can’t make you love me
Five For Fighting – World
Sarah Maclachlan – Good Enough
Ladies……download and enjoy
Have your tissues at the ready – you’ll need them!
I have now just put on my sexiest dress that I own and I’m heading out clubbing! A first for me, haven’t done it in years, but I’m going out with a whole group of young girls and I’m going to have the night of my life!
Jesus, pray for me! I’m not right in the head, they are a crazy bunch! They’ve got me a man already – don’t know if I need those complications! But, casual sex is sometimes just what everyone needs!
I’m truly sick of hearing women say, ‘it is important for me to find a husband with a good earning power who will be able to provide financial security but I don’t want to be seen as a golddigger’.
The topic of marriage and money is an ancient and highly nuanced one.
Well, you know what – I think it is absolutely ludacris……… marrying someone just because they are financially stable does not make them a ‘perfect’ partner. It will not make them a ‘perfect’ husband or ‘father’.
Money should not be ‘paramount’ in ANY relationship. It truly disgusts me, I would rather marry a poor man with no shoes on his feet if he truly loved me before marrying someone that throws ‘dollar bills’ at me, to show his love.
How can woman even question this? And furthermore, to say, ‘I don’t want to be seen as a golddigger’ – well, you are! And every sane person on this earth would agree with me……
I can see that you might think, but, it will make my family financially secure, my children will have everything they want, I will have everything I want – but will you have a loving husband who you love unconditionally and who loves you unconditionally?
When you look at him and kiss him? Is it the dollar bills that you see in his eyes or is it the thought of the first time he gave you that single rose on your first date? Or is it the first time that he made love to you and told you you meant everything and nothing else mattered?
Just a thought ladies; live the life you dreamed of as a little girl, that is when you were truly innocent. You may have dreamed to be a princess- find the right man and he will treat you like one.
Well, I just want to say; thank you for all your KIND and HONEST comments. I appreciate all comments even those of you that disagree with some of my thoughts..I enjoy reading different views…
I started this blog, well, basically because of the mess my life was in, I’m glad I have somewhere to pour out my thoughts, I never thought anyone would actually read what I wrote! lol.. but anyway…….
I spent a ridiculous amount of money on the phone to my ex this morning…
We haven’t had the ‘how are you since we broke up’ chat…I woke up this morning and figured I would call him.
It went remarkably well and I realised for the first time that I am truly happy without him. I finally found that I can be myself. We had been together 5 years, started dating when we were quite young and it became almost routine. I am truly glad that I realised that we could be happier with other people.
The butterflies disappeared and what seemed like a relationship was honestly just a close friendship, the sex was good, the talks were fun, but deep down we had lost that ’spark’….
I’m so glad that we can still be friends. Some say,’friendship will never work’, but I truly believe it will. We are both interested in other people and are fine with it, we both felt comfortable talking about our interests and what these other people made us feel like.
I truly advise anyone who has come out of a long – term relationship to make amends, that person is a part of who you are.
My ex and I may not be in a relationship but he will always be a part of my life. We were engaged to be married and yet, we broke off and can still be friends. I firmly believe that we are both really happy without each other. It sounds strange, I know, but 6 months later and I’m starting to find my way, starting to realise that I lost myself in the last 5 years and it is only now that I’m starting to find ‘me’ again.
Personally I find a trip to the gym more exhilarating. I just think far too much time and energy are wasted on sex. Can I possibly be alone in this? Or do other people think the same? Perhaps I just haven’t found my ‘perfect’ partner yet?!
I know that sex is a central part of human life. Biologically speaking, it is literally why we’re here, to make more of ourselves. And nature provided us with lots of incentive to do that, what with all those good feelings sex delivers, not the least of which is the sense of bond that sex helps us achieve with another person. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is a good thing, but it is seriously over-rated……… just my opinion!
Personally I’m one of these woman who find it impossible to orgasm during sex, it has happened once but I still don’t think it was anything extravagant!
So, seems kind of a fairytale but, after watch Princess Diares – I know, I’m in my 20’s watching teen movies but there was nothing else on television…..
The character in the movie; Mia is a princess, she wants more than anything that ‘perfect’ kiss…..she wants the kiss that makes her feel like she is floating, the kiss that makes her foot lift from the floor itself and almost ‘float’…
I realised I’ve never had that…. I want that kiss…. I want to look into the eyes of the person I love and at that moment I want him to kiss me so passionately that my foot ‘floats’…….
Out of a world of laughter
Suddenly I am sad. . .
Day and night it haunts me,
The kiss I never had.
I don’t think I’ve truly connected with any guy that I have been with, I want nothing more than the person I’m with to kiss me passionately the entire time we are making love and when we have our first kiss, I want my foot to ‘float’………….I’ll let you all know when it happens! It won’t be in the near future (I doubt!) but will keep you posted….
Anyone else want this?? Or just me?? Am I having a mid-life crisis? I’m still wondering :S
I opened the Daily Mail today to find this article..
How am I going to tell my two children I no longer love their father the way I should, and we are splitting up? My daughter, 18 and son, 17, are going to be very upset. No one else is involved; we have both been faithful. I have been aware of my feelings for the past two to three years and discussed them with my husband. He is also very upset, as he believed that being married meant sticking together. We have been married for 30 years but I just do not love him anymore. How do I tell my children?
I read this and was completely shocked, upset and yet, angry.
How should any human being love another? I wish I could answer ‘unconditionally’ but even parents can find unconditional love difficult. How much harder is it then for men and women who marry not knowing how each of them may change over the years?
I mean these two people, fell in love, exchanged vows and dreams, bent over the cot containing your sweet first born, then wondered what the baby boy would grow up to be. Somewhere along the way that love was lost. Or perhaps her love got lost?
How can two people fall out of love?
About three years ago I asked my father – why? Why did you leave my mother?
His reply, ‘I fell out of love’.
Now, more and more I realise that I’m not going to be making any hasty decisions anytime soon regarding relationships. This would be my worst nightmare. For a short time, I thought in the back of my mind that my ex and I would get back together, but I’m so glad that we didn’t. I realise that this probably would be me in 20years time.
I’m moving on and leaving all my baggage behind. When I return to the Middle East, I’ve got a new job to keep me occupied for the forthcoming months…partner or no partner, I don’t want one. I’ve had these feelings before. What has happened to this family in the above report is absolutely awful. I know myself, and I’m a stronger person without a guy, that would only complicate things. If the right person comes along – who knows? But also, who knows what would happen ten years down the line…………… is it possible to fall out of love?
In the UK and in other parts of the world marriage is arguably losing its appeal claim many social scientists, and indeed many tabloids. With divorce ever on the increase – with statistics showing one out of every three marriages end in divorce, the institution of marriage as a religious and legal bond may be considered outdated in today’s society. Co-habitation is no longer unacceptable, indeed it is commonplace among the youth of today, and illegitimacy no longer carries such a social stigma. But is a stable family environment dependent on a marital bond – or more appropriately, if not dependent is it improved?
Living in the Middle East, I know that co-habiting is NOT acceptable and that marriage is very very important, still in this day and age…
Personally, I hope I do get married, but I can see why people don’t…
In the UK, what difference does it make? One side to look at is the fact that if you don’t get married you end up getting more benefits, or so it seems……….. ha, sorry that really makes me laugh…
A catholic priest in England is asking people to boycott their MP’s if they support Abortion.
This is a much debated topic.
Personally, I agree with Abortion. I know that if it came down to it tho, I couldn’t myself ever have one, unless my child was to have severe disabilities, and by that I mean, a complete vegetated state.
I think this priest is wrong, I know the Catholic church and many religions don’t believe in abortion but this is a woman’s own decision.
”I could hardly believe it when I heard the news today….. I had to come and get it straight from you, you said you were leaving someone swept your heart away..from the look upon your face I’d say it’s true….” Michael Bolton
(The above song has been on repeat since I got to her house- 90 minutes ago)
So, recently I told you about my friend and this guy..
So, after months of ’socialising’ with this guy, he tells her ‘he isn’t interested’.
They have cut all contact and to be honest, she isn’t coping the best! She feels like a whole part of her has vanished. I’ve returned to Ireland thinking it might help, me being there for her, might make her feel better, but it has infact only made her worse. Because, before she had no one to talk to about him, and now all she is does is exactly that and to me!
Talk about him……………… non stop.
She feels that he was her soulmate, and she feels that deep down he feels the same way..
So why can some men not stand up and say how they feel? Without tip toeing around the fact that they are also in love?
Why are men like this? Why were they genetically made this way?
I can honestly say, I know very few men who can come out and say how they feel!
So, we are heading out Saturday night, either to find her a new man, or…. to resolve the old love..
I’m really hoping that they do work things out, because they are very much in love, even an outsider can see that..
Ok, this is all gonna sound like the ramblings of a mad woman.. but I need to get this all out or I’m heading for a nervous breakdown….really!
Before my grandfather died I attended church regularly and was a devout Chrisitan. After my grandfather developed cancer I lost complete faith in the church. How could this man who had raised me like a father been suffering so much? He never had a cigarette in his life, he enjoyed the odd pint but enough to make him develop cancer?
Yet, once again due to circumstances out of my control – I have yet again been tested. My faith has been tested. And right now I think God sucks. I think he gives people joy and then takes it away from them and laughs about it….sound pathetic? Yeah I know if does, but how can you give someone the best week of her life and then within a month change it all to mean absolutely fucking nothing!?
Enough bullshit about – you make your own choices in life. We don’t , God has a plan for all of us, I believe that, but does he have to be so god damn friggin cruel? I don’t think I can take anymore of his life tests.
I just want an easy life. . . enough of this testing me shite. I’ve been through enough in my years. I think since the age of 3 I’ve had one good year. I’ve never met anyone who can truly make me feel happy until this one person and yet again , they have been taken away from me……..
Here’s what I think of life – it truly fucking sucks!
So, a few of you have said that my blog is pretty cool but weird. Let me explain a little bit about myself.
I am a scorpio.
A scorpio is a sign of the zodiac which I follow very closely.
According to astrology.com and a few other webpages..
The Seducer of the Zodiac, Scorpio is ruled by PLUTO, and its symbol is the SCORPION. Its natural place is the EIGHTH HOUSE, the house of Passions — Sex, Birth, and Death. Intense Scorpio is a WATER sign, secretive and magnetic. Strong-willed Scorpio’s heart is closed to all but an intimate few — but its still waters run deep.
Scorpio is also a fixed water sign. There are two other water signs, Cancer and Pisces. Of all the water signs, scorpio is the one that wants to be emotionally involved. Once they’ve been pushed beyond their endurance, they are the most likely of the water signs to fight back. Scorpios need most to be understood, and this challenges them because what they feel is so deep and often profound that they have difficulty communicating it. Often they’d rather not speak at all than be misunderstood. Lacking the the ability to communicate his/her true needs, the Scorpio may instead demand attention and/or obedience.
Don’t avoid the Scorpio woman and don’t underestimate her! She is strong, straightforward, with no obsolete ideas, but often with no courage. However, if she follows her heart, the Scorpio woman will be an overwhelming feminine presence ever since adolescence, extremely sensual and natively provocative, well put together, exciting, with or without strange clothes, but definitely with a strange vocabulary! The Scorpio woman is made to be loved, looked for and respected for the pleasures she can offer. If she also educated, what else can a man ask for?
Scorpio is associated with intensity, passion, and power. Individuals born under this sign are thought to have a complex, analytical, patient, keenly perceptive, inquisitive, focused, determined, hypnotic, and self-contained character, but one which is also prone to extremity, jealousy, envy, secretiveness, possessiveness, cruelty, humor and cunning
Scorpio women are emotional and loving, but above all else, they can be demanding. The man who wins the love of a Scorpio woman will have to be able to hold his own ground against her. She has no qualms with telling him exactly what he can and cannot do if he wants to keep her. What would make a man love a Scorpio woman? He loves her because she is amazing, mesmerizing, and irresistible. She can do it all – from entertaining in the living room and being exciting in the bedroom. A Scorpio woman thinks very highly of love and she has no problem attracting suitors. When she finds someone she thinks is worthy of her love, she will turn on the charm. But she is not looking for anything casual, so if you are – look elsewhere. She desires a close, committed relationship and won’t stop looking for one until she finds it. Once she does, she is a very faithful and passionate lover.
Scared? Lol.. All of the above is me! All of it! Right down to the very last sentence!
A wise woman once said; ”For most of our adolescence we want to be older than we are: We buy Seventeen magazine when we’re twelve, finagle fake IDs so we can get into twenty-one-and-over clubs when we’re seventeen. Once we’re in high school, we want to skip on ahead to college (and college boys). We don’t take the time to just be single and enjoy life. Rarely do we sit back and enjoy where we are right now.”
The thing I love about being single right now is the following:
Not having to get up every morning and think; what do I wear?!
Going out whenever I want, even at midnight. Nobody is waiting for me to get home.
Eating salad for dinner – Busting out a low-fat salad for dinner doesn’t really work for a guy.
Plucking my eyebrows for hours on end without someone asking what the heck is going on in there.
Spending hours and hours in the bathroom, doing whatever I fancy..
The thing I hate about being single is the following;
1. Coming home to an empty house..
2. Not having those nights in were nothing else matter except you and him…
3. Curling up on the sofa, in front of the fire and having ’snuggles’
- sorry guys, I’ve always called hugs ’snuggles’. It kind of stuck
4. Having moments when you do something silly and you know not to even look up cus they will be laughing at you in a cute way
5. When all you want is a hug or a shoulder to cry on but instead you’ve got the dog that never shuts up licking your face!
6. When you’ve spent the whole day cleaning and all you want is to climb into the bath and soak up the bubbles together
7. Those romantic walks you take along the beach when you wish there was someone there walking beside you
8. That sunset that is just so beautiful it makes your toes curl.
9. The movie that you just watched would have been so much better had you not watched it on your own.
10. When all you want is just a hug and be told everything will be all right.
You see – there are more reasons why being single sucks!
So, the BIG question? I can see both sides of the coin.
As far as I see; sex is a natural thing that happens between two people that care about each other. So, why shouldn’t they express their feelings physically?
But I also believe that giving you pure body to your new spouse is the greatest gift you could possibly give them. It says that “I knew I would find the perfect mate some day and I saved myself for you”. That is so much better than, “I got tired of waiting so I gave it away to three other guys before I met you”.
Then there is the other issue of religion but regardless of religion, God’s will sometimes doesn’t have the power to stop raging hormones or a deep love for someone.
So.. is it right or is it wrong?
I’m adding this on because someone stated that, if you waited until you got married you could be sexually incompatible.
I don’t actually agree that anyone is sexually compatible – well, not at first.
Obviously, you have confident and overconfident people.. and then the opposite those that are reserved….
Two people will grow to know each other and what satisfies each other..
Someone once said to me; life’s not easy and you want things to move forward in all way’s possible.
What if life is easy but we just make it difficult for ourselves?
What if that job we regret not taking would have made a difference? What if we should never have let that love go? What if those friends we fought with we regret fighting with? What if he is the one and we don’t realise it before it’s too late? What if your first instincts were right about that person? What if you were right about your neighbour cheating on his wife?
I came across this little poem, as such, recently..
Remember as we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to never let us down, probably will.
You’ll have your heart broken, probably more than once and its harder every time.
You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You’ll fight with your best friend.
You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You’ll cry because time is passing too fast and you’ll eventually lose somebody you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh so much that you cry and love so much like you’ve never been hurt because every minute you spend upset, is a minute of happiness youll never get back.
Remember, life is too short xxx
There will always be the one…….the one you will never forget…
One of my girlfriends called me today really upset. She has been seeing someone for almost 6 months, on and off, with complications.. like most relationships..
He tells her – him and her are never gonna happen.. he isn’t interested……..
I really didn’t know what to tell her…she loves this guy with all her heart and soul. I know personally how well they got on, how much she liked him and how much he had made her a better person..
The first thought was; put on your glad rags, head out, go on a date, retail therapy, have a bath, splash out on some cash…but…….when it comes down to it, it is just pushing the problem a side.. and if she really loves him; how can her feelings change?
What should we do at times like this? I mean, how do people get by.
She was completely head over heels in love with him and had hope for a long time that something could work out. Now her world has crashed down around her, i guess that’s life, but what if he was really the one for her?
