Thank you to all

I haven’t had a chance to thank anyone, yet..

Well, I just want to say; thank you for all your KIND and HONEST comments. I appreciate all comments even those of you that disagree with some of my thoughts..I enjoy reading different views…

I started this blog, well, basically because of the mess my life was in, I’m glad I have somewhere to pour out my thoughts, I never thought anyone would actually read what I wrote! lol.. but anyway…….

So, yeah, basically; thank you.

The kiss I never had…

So, seems kind of a fairytale but, after watch Princess Diares – I know, I’m in my 20’s watching teen movies but there was nothing else on television…..

The character in the movie; Mia is a princess, she wants more than anything that ‘perfect’ kiss…..she wants the kiss that makes her feel like she is floating, the kiss that makes her foot lift from the floor itself and almost ‘float’…

I realised I’ve never had that…. I want that kiss…. I want to look into the eyes of the person I love and at that moment I want him to kiss me so passionately that my foot ‘floats’…….

Out of a world of laughter
Suddenly I am sad. . .
Day and night it haunts me,
The kiss I never had. 

I don’t think I’ve truly connected with any guy that I have been with, I want nothing more than the person I’m with to kiss me passionately the entire time we are making love and when we have our first kiss, I want my foot to ‘float’………….I’ll let you all know when it happens! It won’t be in the near future (I doubt!) but will keep you posted….

Anyone else want this?? Or just me?? Am I having a mid-life crisis? I’m still wondering :S

New Forum……..

www.bchillaxed.runboard.com

I have literally just activated this, I know nothing much about forums but I’m gonna give it a shot and I may get someone to give me a wee hand………..

It’s going to be – anything goes…….talk about what you want…..when you want……

If there are any problems – email me.. my contact address is down the left side panel of the blog….

thanks

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

Today, my grandmother’s aunt was burried. Her husband returned home to find her sitting upright in her chair, cup of tea on the side table, glasses on and one eye open, one eye closed – a massive heart attack, they said.
She was a truly wonderful woman. I remember as a little girl visiting her regularly and how she used to plait my hair and how her cups of tea were truly disgusting! How that when she gave me orange juice I used to go into the bathroom and pour it down the drain because it was just so strong! So yeah, I’m back to feeling low and miserable and my little head is working overtime… It is so much worse when you don’t have someone to talk to about how your feeling. I suppose this blog is getting more and more like an online journal than anything else, but it helps me so much. I find that for the first time in a long time, I can truly be; open and honest. I can say exactly what I’m feeling and no-one will judge me. I know that I should talk to my friends and family but sometimes it is just easier to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, like I’ve always done..

Why do we subject ourselves to hurt? Why do we suffer?  Why are people taken from us?  Why, why why? God I have so many whys!

I wish someone could give me an answer these questions.

Do you believe in Karma?

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

There aren’t many religious terms that enter our lives in a non-religious manner every day. Your girlfriend may talk about being “sinful” when she treats herself to a fried chicken sandwich, or about “the devil” when walking by a chocolate shop.

“Karma- We use the word “karma” when, say, one leaves his fast-food tray on the table against the protests of his companions, only to fall on his derriere when he slips on the wet floor on his way out. The idea that “what goes around, comes around” is easy to grasp, and leaves an impression on many a witness to its occurrence.

Karma – do you believe in it ?

Euthanasia

If a person with a terminal illness is suffering unbearable pain and wishes to end his or her life, is it wrong to help?

Well, that’s why euthanasia, the intentional termination of life at the explicit request of that person, has been a hotly debated and controversial subject. Is it right or wrong? Moral or immoral? Murder or mercy?

What are your thoughts?

I mean I can see both sides; god gave us life not to end it…… however, did God intend for people to suffer???

Benign Intracranial Hypertension

Nearly two years ago I was diagnosed with Benign Intracranial Hypertension/Pseudocerebri Tumour.

Basically it is fluid on the brain that affects the optic nerves. Thankfully, I’ve been lucky and have only had to have three spinal taps.

I also suffer from Myalgic Encephalitis and have done so since the age of 13. Fortunately I don’t have any serious problems and I cope quite well.

I would be interested to hea

A new pill to help people stop smoking?

Draft approval has been given for a drug, in tablet form, to stop the craving for cigarettes?

Will this work? It has been suggested that this will be available on the NHS free.

I’m quite interested in this, as a smoke, I’d be quite willing to be a guinea pig and try this..

I have cut down to one cigarette a day, hopefully, within the next month, I will have stopped completely.

Things I want to do before I die!

1. Swim with a dolphin or an orca

2. Attend a huge sporting event such as The Olypmics

3. Go skinny dipping

4. Visit New Zealand

5. Watch orca’s wild off the coast of Vancouver

6. Visit Stanley Park with my partner in toe.. last time I did it alone.

7. Tell someone the story of my life – sparing no details.

8. Get over my fear of balloons/clowns/flying/heights

9. Be in two places at once – and this is possible!

10. Learn how to take a compliment

11. Let my legs get hairy

12. Own a room with a sea view

13. Say ‘I love you’ to the face of the opposite sex

14. Send a message in a bottle

15. Ride a camel in the desert

16. Fall deeply in love – unconditionally

17. Shower in a waterfall

18. Spend New Year’s in an exotic location with a beautiful man

19. Drive across America from coast to coast!

20. Write my will

21. Be a mummy!

22. Own a sweet-ass convertable

23. Scuba Dive

24. Go up in a hot air balloon

25. Kiss the blarney stone

26. Spend a romantic weekend in New York when it is snowing

27. See the Statue of Liberty

28. Visit the Pyramids

29. Go Ski-ing

30. Accept myself for who I am

I was going to add -

dye my hair pink – completed

kiss a stranger – completed

have a crazy road trip – kind of

walk across a rope bridge – not a rope bridge but a pretty high bridge..

take too many tablets and get high – done

eat so much junk food and not care – completed!

experience an orgasm – done!

pms – cope with it in a mature way – nearly —-come on ! I’m a woman! of course, I shed tears!

I’ll update this list from time to time when I think of other things…….

Sex before Marriage – Right or Wrong?

So, the BIG question? I can see both sides of the coin.

As far as I see; sex is a natural thing that happens between two people that care about each other. So, why shouldn’t they express their feelings physically?

But I also believe that giving you pure body to your new spouse is the greatest gift you could possibly give them. It says that “I knew I would find the perfect mate some day and I saved myself for you”. That is so much better than, “I got tired of waiting so I gave it away to three other guys before I met you”.

Then there is the other issue of religion but regardless of religion, God’s will sometimes doesn’t have the power to stop raging hormones or a deep love for someone.

So.. is it right or is it wrong?

I’m adding this on because someone stated that, if you waited until you got married you could be sexually incompatible.

I don’t actually agree that anyone is sexually compatible – well, not at first.
Obviously, you have confident and overconfident people.. and then the opposite those that are reserved….
Two people will grow to know each other and what satisfies each other..

Life’s not easy………

Someone once said to me; life’s not easy and you want things to move forward in all way’s possible.

What if life is easy but we just make it difficult for ourselves?

What if that job we regret not taking would have made a difference? What if we should never have let that love go? What if those friends we fought with we regret fighting with? What if he is the one and we don’t realise it before it’s too late? What if your first instincts were right about that person? What if you were right about your neighbour cheating on his wife?

I came across this little poem, as such, recently..

Remember as we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to never let us down, probably will.

You’ll have your heart broken, probably more than once and its harder every time.

You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You’ll fight with your best friend.

You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You’ll cry because time is passing too fast and you’ll eventually lose somebody you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh so much that you cry and love so much like you’ve never been hurt because every minute you spend upset, is a minute of happiness youll never get back.

Remember, life is too short xxx

There will always be the one…….the one you will never forget…

What happens when he isn’t interested?

One of my girlfriends called me today really upset. She has been seeing someone for almost 6 months, on and off, with complications.. like most relationships..

He tells her – him and her are never gonna happen.. he isn’t interested……..

I really didn’t know what to tell her…she loves this guy with all her heart and soul. I know personally how well they got on, how much she liked him and how much he had made her a better person..

The first thought was; put on your glad rags, head out, go on a date, retail therapy, have a bath, splash out on some cash…but…….when it comes down to it, it is just pushing the problem a side.. and if she really loves him; how can her feelings change?

What should we do at times like this? I mean, how do people get by.

She was completely head over heels in love with him and had hope for a long time that something could work out. Now her world has crashed down around her, i guess that’s life, but what if he was really the one for her?

Is there someone in this world for everyone??

Do we ever get over our first love?

Why are we humans never satisfied?

Why we humans are never satisfied? Are there advantages and disadvantages in getting no satisfaction in life?

Are you satisfied with your life?

At college I studied a diploma in Health Studies, one of my classes was Psychology. We studied Maslow’s Hierarchy to a intense degree.

Maslow was a famous psychologist. He came up with a pyramid of five of the most basic aspects to human life sarting with 1. Our physiological needs, food, warmth shelter through to No, 5 which is Self Acualisation!!

Effectively this means we have reached our purpose or goal in life.

I guess it is human nature to question life. As we all are aware of, there were ups and downs throughout our life. When all these happen, human beings start to question about what life is all about. If we look back at history, we will see different people from different places and background trying to explain the meaning of life.

Are you satisfied with you life? What do you want from life? Is there something your life is lacking?

For me, it would be the next step; a husband and a family. I’m beginning to get those motherly instincts that I think most people in their 20’s get. I coo at children without realising. I find myself looking at baby clothes and sighing at how cute and tiny they are..

What do I want from my life?

I want to be a great wife, a fantastic mother and I want to raise my children in the best possible way with the correct morals and values that I believe we all learn from our parents. As a little girl I grew up without that fatherly figure. I want my husband to be the best possible father out there. The things I didn’t get to do I want my children to be able to do without question at the drop of a hat. Those fatherly daughter things, those fatherly son things.. I missed out on those and it makes a part of my childhood feel empty.

On Christmas morning, I used to find myself wishing I had a ‘normal’ family. I could never understand why there was only three of us around the living room opening presents, me, my mum and my sister…..

All the things I missed out on, I want my children to have.

I believe that life is not a rehearsal. Live life to the full.

3 Hour Diet

I’ve heard a lot about the 3 hr diet, many a-list celebs are ‘trying’ it out. The likes of Resse Witherspoon, Jennifer Anniston and Catherine Zeta Jones are said to have tried it out.

If you want a diet that includes Reese’s peanut butter cups and has no “bad” foods, the three-hour diet is ’supposedly’ the plan for you.

Jorge Cruise, fitness journalist and author of The 3-Hour Diet: How Low-Carb Diets Make You Fat and Timing Makes You Thin, believes so strongly in his plan that he actually encourages readers to enjoy candy. Daily.

But the true keys to Cruise’s diet — other than portion control (he recommends chocolate minis, not whole bars) — involve a trinity of timing:

• Eat breakfast within one hour of rising
• Eat every three hours thereafter
• Stop eating three hours before bedtime

Cruise is a passionate believer that eating this way increases BMR (baseline metabolic rate — how fast your body burns calories), increases energy, and decreases appetite.

However, while people do report successfully losing weight on this plan, there isn’t yet agreement on whether it’s a metabolic improvement to spread three meals out into five or six smaller meals.

Anyone tried it out yet? The other thing I’ve heard about is switching meals; for example; for breakfast enjoy a HUGE dinner and for dinner enjoy a bowl of cereal?

I’m not a strong believer of diets although I do find that some do actually work. Anyone know of any succesful diets? Please don’t suggest atkins!

Cerazette

Anyone know much about this new pill ?I started taking it less than a month ago.. I’ve taken the pill before ‘yasmin’ and it didn’t affect me in any way..really, a little weight gain but that’s about it…

Is it possible that this new pill is making my boobs bigger but making me lose weight? I am dieting but this week I lost more than usual and I’ve been eating more….and i think my boobs are getting bigger. I’m a 34/36DD and I really don’t want to go any bigger!

Anyone have any experiences with it? I know it is pretty new on the market, progesterone only..

Hair Falling Out?

About 6 months ago, I put wellastrate in my hair. It is a product that is designed to straighten the hair semi-permanently.

Well, my experiment turned into a complete and utter disaster.

After reading the instruction manual and reading that it was ok to put on highlighted hair as long as hair had been lightened previously 4wks before. The last time I had been to the salon was a good 6 weeks, so, no problem.

After about 10mins, my head start to itch, and then almost immediately I could feel my head burning!

Quickly, rushed to the shower, washed it out………

Went to put the comb through it and oh my god, my hair started to fall out in chunks…..my hair was completely burnt. I spent the next few weeks , sobbing….literally.

6 months on and my hair is in OK condition, not the best, but the majority of the hair that was burnt is gradually falling out. Anyone know any natural remedy that I can put to strengthen it.

I know it is only a matter of time before it grows back…I just got to be patient..

I did hear mayo and olive oil could help …. any ideas?